February 2020 Flash Lit 5 – Celebrity Crush

“‘Who are you?’ said the Caterpillar.”  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 5

Well that was disappointing.  I mean, I lugged all my gear along with me and everything.  Tommy totally mislead me.  And the look on his face!  Total, unmitigated glee oozing from every pore, and a lot of those pores were exposed, given that he was wearing those unfortunate plaid shorts and a tank top that had something to do with amphibians drinking alcohol in large hats.  He took probably a dozen photos with his stupid phone.

He posted them, of course, so everyone I know could see.  I couldn’t, because I don’t have any social media accounts.  Why make it easy for them to track me?  He showed me, though, while we were stuck at LAX waiting for the flight home.  There I was, my arms full of the telescope and the portable dish and the tape recorder and the laptop bag and the Cheetos (because I never go on expeditions without Cheetos; that would be silly.).  I’m scowling, partly because the setting sun was in my eyes, as you can tell by the way it glinted off my shiny hat, and partly because I was so furious.  The map is blurry because I was shaking it.

“Who the hell is Angelina Jolie?” I demanded.  “You said we were buying a map of the stars.  I don’t want to see houses.  I want to see aliens.”

“I think Sigourney Weaver’s house is on the list,” Tommy said.

I will never understand him.