June 2024 Flash Lit 6.1 - Pear

 

“So the old guy, he’s blind and crazy jealous,” Brit said.  “So he takes his wife into the garden—it’s like a garden room with walls and a gate—to do it every day.”

“You’re reading this for school?” Matt said.

 

“Oh, it gets better,” Brit said.  “The girl’s like totally over the old husband and she wants to get it on with this young guy, so she sneaks him into the garden and he climbs into a pear tree.”

 

“Why a pear tree?” Matt said.

 

“Just listen!” Brit admonished.  She flicked her hair back over her shoulder and leaned toward Matt across the sticky student union table.  Her eyes sparkled with mischief.  “The girl tells the husband she’s dying for the taste of the pears.  He’s like bummed because he’s blind and can’t get them for her.”

 

“I’m feeling kind of sorry for the bro,” Matt said.

 

“I didn’t say she wasn’t a skank,” Brit said.  “But clever.  Anyway, she says let me stand on your back and I can climb up and get the pears myself.  He’s like, sure I’ll bend right over and she’s up the tree and banging the other guy in seconds.”

 

“In a tree?” Matt said.

 

“I know, right?”

 

“It’s too weird for porn even,” Matt said.

 

“I doubt it,” Brit said.

 

Matt admitted that there was some weird shit out there and even if he himself had not stumbled upon the sex in trees subgroup that didn’t mean it wasn’t out there.

 

“So the gods are watching and one of them—I forget which one—is like she’s doing her husband wrong.  So the god cures the husband’s blindness.  He immediately looks up to see the missus doing the nasty in the tree.  He’s crazy mad,” Brit said.

 

“I’m so shocked,” Matt said.

 

“But the girl’s got an answer.  She’s like O dear hubbykins, my plan worked!  I was told it would restore your sight if I struggled with a man in a pear tree,” Brit said.

 

“Struggled,” Matt said.  “Well, that’s one way to describe it.”

 

“Dude’s not buying it.  He’s like no, he was bonking you, but she’s all righteously angry and says it must not be working perfectly yet.  Maybe it’ll take some time for you to see clearly and maybe you’ll see some weird stuff for a while,” Brit concluded.

 

“So her plan is to keep on keeping on with her boy toy and telling the husband he’s just still not seeing right?”  Matt said.

 

“Yep,” Brit said.  “Chaucer is like half dirty stories and fart jokes.”

 

“Literature is fucking weird,” Matt said.

 

“But funny,” Brit added.

 

“Wanna go do it in a tree?” he asked.